Randomness is not something that can be planned

Hosanna in the highest...

2008-09-21T23:12:00.003+01:00

We sang this song in church tonight and it spoke to me so much about a lot of things going on in my life right now. I especially like the words in the chorus - "heal my heart and make it clean", that was my prayer tonight...

I see the King of Glory

Coming on the clouds with fire

The whole earth shakes

I see His love and mercy

Washing over all our sin

The people sing

Hosanna, hosanna

Hosanna in the highest

Hosanna, hosanna

Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation

Rising up to take their place

With selfless faith

Selfless faith

I see a near revival

Stirring as we pray and sing

We're on our knees

On our knees

[Chorus]
Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you

Have loved me

Hosanna, hosanna

Hosanna in the highest

Hosanna, hosanna

Hosanna in the highest
[Repeat]

Hosanna in the highest(Hosanna)

Belllllllller-ina!!

2008-09-20T02:14:00.002+01:00

Ok, so Pablo will love this post! This is our wee Bella! She is so adorable!

I have been so tired this week after work and ended up just sleeping when I got home and being very anti-social!

Mes flatmates are gone to a wedding for the weekend so have the house to myself...yup...just me and Bella! This is a really sweet photo of her so thought that I would post it up for all of you who aren't on facebook! I think I am too good with her though and spoil her rotten. Sometimes I treat her like she is my little baby (this job promotes broody-ness...not good)! Hmmmm, one day I will be a proper mummy as opposed to a cat mummy...hopefully!

I have been thinking a lot recently about my future and the desires of my heart and sometimes I find these desires so conflicting to what is going on in my life. I get so impatient with God as well and then I wonder if what I think He has promised me, I have actually heard right...

I desire so much to be pursued, to be loved, to get married, start a family! I know too much of the time though that I put marriage on a pedastool and think that it is going to be this perfect idealic life...part of my knows that will not be the case, but I guess I can't help dreaming. Some of you may know tha I have been working my way through Captivating...I really need to get back into this now instead of bringing my work home with me just because all the paperwork is taking longer than I would have hoped. I need to chil-ax more! I am not a student, I can now have a life!!! Not sure what this weekend will contain though my friend, Tim is down south so will probabl catch up with him at some point...can't do a lot though cuz I have no money to my name until I get paid...can't wait until I am on the proper tax code and I actually have the right amount of money from now on.

Well, enough ranting! It be after 2am (knew I shouldn't have slept so much earlier on) Night Night! Keep in touch, Shaz xxx

Perhaps an update is required to assure you all that I am still alive...

2008-09-19T09:47:00.003+01:00

Sorry, that I have not updated this thingy-ma-jig in a wee while. Things have been pretty busy here and when I am not busy, I am usually trying to unwind or sleep so this blog-age has not been one of my top priorites right now.

This past fortnight has been really difficult for one reason or another and I have been struggling to sort out my emotions trying to determine my real feelings and the like...deep I know but I think these things need to be done and I need to write this all down in order to get it out of my head. I am getting frustrated about not being able to control things around me and I am finding it really hard to hear what God has to say in it all and part of this is probably due to the busy-ness of everything. I think I need to start takin more time out of life to get away from it all and go and simply BE...not about do do doing but just BEING! (This probably makes more since to me than anyone else so I do apologise)

Aside from all of this emotional shizzle, things have been going really well - I am still loving my job, everyday is more than different and I have been experiencing everything from hanging curtain rails, looking after robo-babies to anti-natal classes so its all good fun! I have settled into life in Croydon really well and am planning to start a photography course very soon if I hear back from the college...that reminds me, I should go and ring them over my lunch break

I am not really sure what else to say so I should just post this and go and have something to eat before my stomach begins to eat itself...not altogether a bad thing though

Shaz xxx

I Am In The Midst Of The Storm

2008-09-09T19:41:00.001+01:00

This word is submitted by Mitzi Busby [mitzibusby12@gmail.com] -----

I Am In The Midst Of The Storm

I am not calming the raging waters around you, but I am stilling you in the midst of the storm. Things have not gone as you planned, but I am rising up strong in you and in your struggles. The things that you will learn during this time could only come through experience. If only you would have listened, your peace would have flowed like the river and your righteousness as the waves of the sea. Still, now is the time to calm your spirit and listen to Me. I bring peace, not as the world knows it. The peace I bring is not temporal. It does not rely on circumstances, but relies upon My Truth. I have been with you all along, through the good decisions and through the bad ones. I have not forsaken you and will not. As Your Father, I will walk you through your darkest valleys to the next mountaintop. Thejourney is long but well worth the trip. Do not lose hope. Hope in Me. Inever let go, but always perform all that I promise. True repentance and total trust in Me will open doors for you that no person could. Listen. Listen, My Spirit is speaking to the deepest depths of your soul, but you must quiet yourself to hear Me. I sing over you the songs you need to sustain you. Hold fast to My Word. Be honest with Me and with yourself. Commit it all to Me and watch for My outcome. Seek My heart for your life, and not your own. You have done things your own way, now try Mine. I never let go. See what I will do on your behalf. I will heal the broken places to make you whole.

Schemage in London

2008-08-29T15:17:00.002+01:00

Annual Leave from work today...so thus beginth the schemage!
Me and Abbi had been scheming against JamJar for over 3 weeks and she knew nothing of it.
This morning, she checked them both in at Aldergrove and then asked Jess to check the passports...

Jess: You have brought the wrong passport, this is my passport
Abbi: Oh well, you will have to come to London with me as well
Jess: What, huh? How? But I have no clothes, my mobile phone is at home and I have nothing else with me. I can't go Abbi?!
Mum: Here are your bags with everything in them hunni...go through security and go to London

Unbeknown to the Diva, I was also scheming against her and I was well chuffed when it all worked out so well despite me being late getting the train from East Croydon, it all worked out better and I was able to surprise the Diva as well by turning up at a random station on the Piccadilly Line and jumping out on them with a specially made sign. They had no idea I had got the day off work and they thought that I was planning to meet them later at Victoria station for dinner.

Well, they have headed off to the CBBC studios in White City for a tour around and I am updating bloggage and checking emails as we still have nooooo computer...should perhaps get someone to fix our suicidal PC at home

Not much else to say really...

I am a lot happier today, I had a rant last about men - why do I bother!? Eventually the right one will pop up from somewhere...God has told me that He is dealing with it but I find it so hard to be patient at times and end up trying to sort the issue out myself by hanging out with the wrong kind of guys just cuz they say the right things and make me feel good about myself. This is something I need to continue seeking healing about and trust God to set me free from.

Well - I should probably go and rescue the Diva and JamJar now...of course we have been taking looooooooooads of photos so these will be added at some point!

Love you all and please continue to keep in touch,
Mucho thanks for all the letters and cards from you all, they are all stuck to my wall!

Bridget Jones rant....

2008-08-27T20:39:00.002+01:00

I am having one of those days...well evenings I guess you could say where I think that I am going to be a single spinster FOR ALL ETERNITY!

Question...why are men so confusing?? I don't get it AT ALL! Why won't they just make up their mind, say how they feel...

I don't think there is anything more I can say actually...I think I am going to go home, curl up on the sofa with the cat and read...(typical spinster life!)

PS - Work was crrrraaaazy today! All the residents have fallen out with each and I think I have made it worse rather than better...who knows! Maybe tomorrow, things will be better!

My lack of immune system...

2008-08-20T18:53:00.002+01:00

Okay so last week, shazzy got a yucky cold over a week ago and is still getting over it at the minute! Also on friday - started to have a really eughy tummy over the weekend but thought nothing of it really but Monday night I was soooo ill! I shall spare you the details but basically I spent the whole day on Tuesday in bed...unfortunately, I sent a message about being ill to the wrong phone at work so everyone was trying to get hold of me and they were really worried about me. Two of the girls I work with even came to my house and knocked the door but I was dead to the world as I hadn't slept the night before...How sweet though! Couldn't imagine the manager of Tesco coming round to see if I was okay...such a joke that would be! He would just demand to know where I was and why I was not there to ensure I served enough customers to make sure he was able to get that new BMW!

Anyway - enough rant about illness! Its making me bored anyway! I was really sad to have to miss work, I was going crazy being in the house all day - I hate not achieving stuff and it gets me down if I haven't got stuff done so my day in bed was not an enjoyable one but I did do some reading which was all good I guess.

I also spent some time praying and God has been revealing a lot of areas where I need to allow His healing touch but although it is something that I really want to happen in my life because I know I am not going to be able to move on in my faith or in life without it, part of me is still cautious to let God in and I can't work out why...I guess I have been hurt so much in the past and in fact quite recently and I am finding it hard to open my heart up again...why though - come on!! Its God! He is not going to hurt me. My head is a little all over the place today and I would appreciate it if you could pray for me regarding this issue

On a more positive note, it was nice to get back to work today although I had a lot of things to get caught up, some filing to do and a few residents to catch up with. Now that I am more aware of what my job actually entails, I need to work out how to get everything that needs done fitted into a day so that I can be more effective in my job. I was really challenged today to be praying for my residents more as well because I haven't been doing that. I guess I am just feeling distant from God right now as I feel like I keep messing up loads and find it harder to forgive myself than He does.

Ok - time to get out of this internet cafe now! I am starving right now, haven't really eaten much in the past few days and my tummy is yelling - "shaz feed me!"

Love you guys loads and really appreciate hearing from you and for your prayers, Shaz xxx

sleepy sleepy shazzy

2008-08-18T22:30:00.003+01:00

I woke up this morning feeling very tired and was really not wanting to get out of bed and I have pretty much had a sleepy day at work. It hasn't been a very productive day especially as two of my residents decided not to get out of bed this afternoon and attend their meetings with me so I didn't feel that I really achieved anything as such but I guess you gotta have those sort of days sometimes. Every day can't be perfect. I think that I just really need to get some sleepy tonight!

I have had a busy weekend though and that is why I am probably really tired. I have been out living it up in London this weekend! :P
I did some shopping in Croydon with Lorna and Naomi which was great fun! I am surprised at how much evangelism goes on in Croydon. There was a group of Christians from an African American church rapping in the street about knife crime and about God breaking through in our town where another young people has been killed recently and I was really challenged to be praying for the area where I live more. God give me more of a heart for Croydon.

I then headed to Balham in the evening to meet Anabelle where we did some chef-work and catching up - great fun and I was so encouraged by her and by our conversations - she spurs me on so much in my faith so if you are reading this Anabelle..thank you thank you! continue being beautiful and Godly!

Had a great morning in church on Sunday (when I eventually made it after getting the wrong bus) One of the cell groups ran the service today and we went around tables and got to worship God in a more creative way. I got a lot out of it and really was so encouraged. I headed into town to check emails before going to a church BBQ and had a great time hanging out with all my harvest guys! I love em so much and I can see myself living here for quite a while!

We shall see how God works it out though.
Night night

A busy but productive week two

2008-08-14T16:24:00.003+01:00

I haven't really had much time at all to update this blog as I have been very busy at work and then when I have got home, I have been so tired and just wanted to chill out in front of the television or get an early night! I have now joined a cell group at church and there are a few girls in the group who I have already met and they have been so friendly and welcoming. This has encouraged me a lot and I have cheered up. I guess I came here with this false impression that I would find it easy to make friends all in a few short days but things are different from university. Everyone is not in the same boat here unlike starting university. They all have their own social groups and I worry that I will never fit into any of them. I have got very lonely over my first week so it was great to go to cell and I am glad that I am now getting involved with this group of lovely people!

The few friends and contacts that I have here are all Christians and although that can be a good thing, I do think I need to be willing to socialise with other groups of people (not, I should add to the point of going out and getting drunk) but

This week has been great and although there is still a lot more induction work to go through, I have been able to get involved in a lot more of the hands on work. Lisa is on annual leave this week so I am gradually being given a case load so I am key worker for four residents which has been really good and it has weaned me into the job at a slower pace and I think that this will help me to grasp my roles better.

As I have got to know the residents better and find out about their individual situations, I have been able to pray for them more effectively and it is my hope that this will not only have an impact on the way I support them in practical ways but it will also encourage change in their lives and their may come to know Jesus.

London weather has been pretty amazing, the sun is usually always shining...even in thunder storms like the one we have just had this afternoon! I think my body is now beginning to cope with the heat so I am now down to just one cold shower a day which is the norm for me anyway (I need something to wake me up at 7.30am!)

A weird sorta day

2008-08-10T21:58:00.002+01:00

I have had such a weird day today! I didn't sleep much last night at all as I have an awful cold which doesn't always put you in a great mood really! I am really annoyed that I missed church this morning but I was so sleepy! I hope after od-ing on strepsils, vitamin C and Lemsip, I will feel a lot better!

I visited Hillsong Church in London this evening as we didn't have an evening service at Harvest tonight. Despite some of my views on mega churches, God really spoke to me in a powerful way this evening and I am sat here in an internet cafe off Oxford Street in London so encouraged and filled full of joy! Yippeee!

I am determined to keep going and keep moving on in my faith even though it is so difficult sometimes. I love God so much even though I let Him down time and time again. I need to stop beating myself up and simply get up off the floor and allow Him to clean me up!

Love you all loads, keep in touch!

I am a mother!!!!

2008-08-06T12:03:00.003+01:00

Tilly was born yesterday evening at 10pm and has been a lot of hard work over the past day. I never knew the mother business could be such hard work and result in sleep deprivation and that is only after one night!!

Before, I confuse you further - I shall admit something to you. Tilly is a simulator baby and she is used to show young girls the difficulty of having a child. She acts similar to a human baby, waking you up in the middle of the night for a feed, wanting a cuddle, needing a nappy change and the exciting bit is that she comes with a bag full of clothes to dress her up in and make her look oh so cute (can you hear the little girl in me bursting to come out?!)

I have chosen to programme her and look after her for a couple of days to see how well I get on as a mother so I shall keep you updated on that one!

Prophetic word for today

2008-08-04T19:01:00.002+01:00

This is today's prophetic word which I have just read after publishing my last post and I felt that it was really appropriate so I am sharing this as well along with details of how to sign up to the this mailing this. It is a constant encouragement to me and each word always seems to be specific to what I am going through/

THIS EMAIL LIST IS SPONSORED BY GODSPEAK INTERNATIONAL. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO FORWARD OR DISTRIBUTE ANY OF THE WORDS FROM THIS LISTTO ANYONE YOU DESIRE TO SHARE THEM WITH.WWW page/archives:- http://www.godspeak.net/prophetic_word

(This list will send out no more than 1 word a day and no less than 1 a week). If you would like to submit a word for consideration to distribute, please email that word to prophetic-word-submit@godspeak.cc. If you needhuman assistance with any issues on this list, please send that request to admin-prophetic-word@godspeak.cc.

This word is submitted by Wendy Graham [wengra@sympatico.ca]
I Am the Alpha & Omega

I am the alpha and omega; I am the first and the last. I am your breath and your life. I am all that you were meant to be, so come and keep company with Me. As you seek Me, you will find Me. What you see in Me, you will have also, for I long to give good gifts that come with joy and blessings. These blessings will take root and manifest within your own heart. You will discover them when you spend time with Me, that I make this deposit of My Spirit in you. I give you more than you can think or imagine. I give you My joy that persists in the midst of a trial. I give you My love to carry you in the face of adversity. I have come to give you an abundant life, and to share in that fruitfulness with others. The door to My heart remains open to you, and you may enter into My presence at any time. I have come so that you might share fellowship with Me. So come, spend time with Me, for this is where you become just like Me.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life"

My first day!!!

2008-08-04T18:25:00.002+01:00

11am this morning marked the start of my first day at work and it went great! As I was on the bus this morning, I was really nervous about getting everything wrong and messing the job up but then I realised...come on - nobody is supposed to get everything right on their first day!

The day was very quiet and not as stressful as I had thought it would be. The next few weeks will involve a lot of taking in of information - names, codes, how things are done, guidelines, etc so its going to be crazy on my bad memory but I am praying that God will help me with this.

I was able to meet some of the residents today which was great and hopefully over the next few weeks, I will be able to build up relationships with them in order to support them in the most appropriate way. I have been talking to mum about this and I really don't want to get emotionally attached to the residents as I am aware that this is something I have done in the past and I need to consider ways of stopping myself from doing this because it will not be of benefit to them or myself especially not in the long run. I would appreciate your prayer support in this.

All in all, it has been an amazing first day and I am gradually beginning to remember roads and areas which is making life easier in getting around. Now to master more buses than simply the T33 or the 64.....

I called my pastor today as well and hopefully sometime this week, we are going to get the chance to sit down and discuss how I can get involved in the life of the church because I really want to take an active role so that I am using the gifts that God has given me.

I went to Purley Baptist last night with Ash and Paul (my flatmates) and was really challenged by the sermon. The minister was sharing from Timothy and what I got most out of the service was the importance of fanning into flame the gifts that God has given to me and fully making use of these gifts to bring Him glory so after getting back and before going to bed, I sat and thought about the gifts that God had given me and ways in which I am and could further use them.

I was also thinking about how I am always asking God for more gifts and until I start using what I have got, why should he bless me with anything else?

This is one of the main things that has challenged me today so I thought I would share it!

Also having a bit of a emotional rollercoaster with some things going on and would appreciate it if you could pray for clarity on this whole thing as I work through some of these issues, many of which involve my self-esteem and my identity in Christ.
God Bless, Shaz x

Speak positively over my life

2008-08-03T17:42:00.002+01:00

For too long now, I have been so worried that God is going to punish by forcing me to be this single spinster forever simply cause I mess up so much and He doesn't want me to mess up someone else life too but I am not beginning to realise that this is not the case and that He has that someone out there for me. He has placed desires in my heart to be married, to raise a family and to serve Him through this! It would be so easy for me to grab the first guy I meet who shows me the slightest bit of attention and believe me...the temptation has been there! The thing is, I need to realise that God has something better for me and I need to develop patience in this area.

I also need to be preparing myself, there is so much in my life that needs shaped and moulded into how God wants me to be and I need to work on that.

I would appreciate prayer for this area in my life tha God would protect my emotions from running away from me and that He would give me the strength to stick to my values and keep pure!

Thanks

Thus beginth thinkyness

2008-08-03T17:32:00.002+01:00

I have had a great few days of chill-axing and generally taking in my surroundings including being in London twice in the past two days! I am glad that I moved over here those few days earlier in order to chill out and be able to relax and catch up with some friends - it has been great!

Whilst I have been walking around Croydon (+ of course the lovely London) God has begun to give me more and more of a heart for the area and for the people here (despite the fact that they don't take our bank notes) I have begun to pray as I have been walking around, that God would use me while I have here for the period He has set aside for me to be here, that he would show me what He has for me and provide me with the resources that I need while I am here.

Yesterday, I met up with a friend for lunch in London and had a great laugh and was able to chill out and then later on when I was on my own - I ended up walking along the Thames and I was able to take some time out with God seeking what He had for me. I get the real impression that this is a season for change and for healing in my life and if that is the case, I say bring it on God! I am excited about what God has in store for me here and I am beginning to see in a change in my attitudes as I start to seek Him and begin to let Him into the areas of my life where I previously kept the doors locked. I want more of Him and to experience that amazing love that He has for me more than anything! I am in the process of trying to find places (safe places I need to highlight) where I can go and be alone with God and rest in His presence and meet with Him and simply BE! I am also beginning to realise that I need to stop trying to be someone else in the hope that other people will accept me. I need to learn to be myself, the person who God has made me to be and only then will I find true healing and freedom.

Apologises that this is a right bit of shizzle but I felt I needed to get it all down and out of my head!

Day Two in Croydon

2008-08-01T18:39:00.002+01:00

Today is my second day in Croydon and I am settling in really well and gradually finding my way around which is pretty impressive in itself given that this place is a big step up from Coleraine (!)
I have moved into a lovely house in an area called Forestdale and I am living with two Christian guys who seem like a great laugh! I have spent the past few days unpacking and jumping on and off buses which might I add turn up every 2 mins...none of this Ulsterbus malarky where you are standing in the rain for a good hour...lol - of course I love home but this place is great as regards public transport which definitely fuels my love for travelling! We have buses, trains, trams and then I am a short bus journey to the tube :D so I have making loads of use of my Oyster card!!!!

I have been so encouraged by God's faithfulness over this past few months in preparation for moving here and how everything I have needed has so easily fallen into place...I am only beginning to look back now and just think WOAH!! I have found an awesome wee church where I feel so much at home, I have a great house with lovely flatmates (+ a cute cat called Bella), I have already got some incredibly supportive friends who have made the move a lot easier for me and the number 64 bus which I got on today stops right outside my work and also takes me in the town centre - SCORE!!

I could ramble for ages about how great these past few days have been and share loads of God stories but I will run out of time in this internet cafe and perhaps bore you all so I just want to share one story that happened today.

I was wondering around Croydon town centre today praying that I would be able to find a cheap hairdressers and had not had much hope with a lot of places wanting to charge me £40 (I think not). Eventually I found a place in West Croydon who were going to charge me £20 but then put it down to £15 for me when I asked if there was anywhere cheaper in the area. Anyway, to cut a long story short - the woman who cut my hair was Jamaican and she was a Pentecostal Christian who went to a church in Brixton. We were both so encouraged and had THE most amazing God chat while she cut my hair for me. I was an answer to prayer for her and she for me and even though we did not know each other, we both shared a love for Jesus! She told me about how God has been moving in her area and bringing people to himself through the community work that the church are doing in some of the rough estates! This fired me up so much and filled me with such a passion to get starting my job!

Mum's advice to me before I left was - "Shaz, remember that you can't change the world in a day!" I responded with a very sarcastic - "give me until Wednesday at least!"...but I have been thinking so much today about what she said, its so true - I do tend to be the sort of person who expects God to have done something last week and I can be incredibly inpatient! This is an area where God needs to work in me.

The question I need to consider is this - would I rather see fruit at once that only lasts a few weeks or would I prefer fruit which takes time to grow but has lasting effects? I am thinking the eternal fruit sounds like a better option but it takes more time and obviously a lot of patience.

If you would like my address - please send me an email, love hearing from you all!
God bless, Shaz

Leaving Northern Ireland

2008-07-30T17:00:00.003+01:00

I am really sorry that I have been so bad at updating this wee thing - the summer has been so very busy!

I am about to jump in the car to head to the airport via one last dinner with some of my family in Antrim! I have managed to pack an explosive amount of hand luggage in order to make sure that my bags are not too heavy and I don't have to pay!

Unfortunately I will not have much access to the internet until I get my laptop sent back to me but please keep in touch and I will get back to you all

I would appreciate lots of prayer

God bless, shaz xxx

God's love reaches miles

2008-07-18T01:07:00.004+01:00

For the past three days, I have been back working in a centre for adults with learning difficulties. As I have been there before, I have got to know some of the staff and residents there but this hasn't stopped the job from being very challenging and an emotional strain. I have been coming home exhausted and collapsing in my bed for a couple of hours at a time and thats only if I am fortunate enough not to be working in Tesco thatr evening.

During the time at this job, I have been able to do a lot of soul searching and praying in the afternoons - the one question I have kept asking God is why? Why is that woman needing help to feed herself? Why does that boy have to spend his whole life in a wheelchair? What made that man unable to speak?

Even though I barely remember all their names never mind their situations - I am thankful that God knows each of them and loves them in such a deep and intimate way. Although I still have questions and it hurts me so much so see people with such disability, my aim is to try and offer the love that God has so freely given to me.

Thankfully I have a bit of a lie in tomorrow morning before work but the more I stare at this computer screen, the more my eyes are getting heavy so I need to shut up for now. I hope you are all well.

Shaz x

The beginnings of a new chapter

2008-07-15T00:18:00.002+01:00

This weekend, I managed to escape the poxy band parades over the 12th in Northern Ireland when I flew to Gatwick in order to find myself a place to live in Croydon before my job starts...
"Huh...Job...Croydon" I hear many of you say...oppsies, perhaps I should briefly summarise the past few months so that all of you are up to date.

So my time at university in Huddersfield has been and gone, I got a 2.2 in Youth and Community Work despite all the issues I have had to face over this past year in particular so I am really pleased about that, more so to have all of the work out of the way.
Halfway through my degree, I had a job interview with a charity called Christian Family Concern and I was offered the fulltime post of Housing Support Worker. I am due to start on 4th August and I am really looking forward to settling into a the area, continuing to make good friends and getting to grips with my new job.

Over the past few months, I managed to get rooted in a church called Harvest Fellowship in South Croydon (literally a 5 min walk from my work) they are an amazing group of people and they have been extremely supportive and I believe that they will be a great help in my transition into life in a London borough.

This weekend, I got to know some more people from my church, I managed to find a house within my budget (something I was very worried about) and I found out that the number 64 bus takes me from my house stopping right outside my work (Score!!!!) So all in all - an ace weekend! It went really quickly and I really wanted to try and catch up with some more of my friends in London but on Saturday night, I was exhausted after having only 2 hours sleep so collapsed around 8pm and didnt wake til 9am the following morning!

On that note, I should turn this laptop off and snuggle up in bed and get some shut-eye! Work tomorrow morning bright and early (Hey, I gota pay off this overdraft some way!)

Forgiveness

2008-07-14T15:03:00.002+01:00

Hello and welcome to the blog of the slightly random life of Shaz!

I felt that this was a very appropriate way to get my blog underway again after having let it die when I got bored of LiveJournal.

The following is an email from a prophetic word listing that I am signed up to and it could never be more appropriate for me than today. So many times, I run and hide from God when I have messed up and let Him down. I separate myself from Him because I don't feel worthy of His love and I think that my sin is beyond His grace. The truth is that His grace is sufficient and I need that truth to begin to hit my heart rather than floating in my head somewhere. My prayer is that through reading this, you would also be encouraged to run straight to God when you have messed up rather than hiding your face from Him. If you would like some details on how to sign up to this listing, please get in touch.

Apologises that I have no time to write anything more, I need to get back to work in 10 minutes but I promise to update you on the events of this weekend!

God bless, Shaz xxx

This word is submitted by Teresa Seputis [ts@godspeak.net]

Child of Mine, why do you find it so hard to believe that I love you and that I care about you greatly? Is it so hard for you to receive My Love because you are keenly aware of your own sins and short-comings? Yes, dear one, I know about them, and I understand that you have not been perfected yet. While I do not approve of sin in your life, I do not count it against you, because you are covered by the blood of My Son and sin has no power to separate you from Me.
The enemy of your soul would tell you that when you sin, you must be punished for it. He would say that you can not simply repent and run back to Me, and be instantly restored to fellowship with Me. He would tell you that you have disqualified yourself from My favour and that you must make suitable restitution for your shortcoming before you can approach Me again. But I would say to you that he is a liar, and that the things he is telling you are lies designed to keep you separated from Me.
The truth is that My Son has already paid for your sins. He has cancelled your debt and He has already endured your punishment for you. As much as the enemy of your souls would like to count your sin against you, he is powerless to do so. My power to forgive you is greater than his power to condemn you. So do not believe his lies and do not behave as if they were true. Remember that I do not look just at your actions; I also look at the attitude of your heart. I am able to tell when you truly repent before Me, and I am willing to forgive and restore. The enemy of your soul is trying to separate you from My great love for you. He wants you to see Me as too scary to approach. He wants to convince you that you must perfect yourself before you can begin to approach Me. But dear one, it will never be possible for you to do that; you are powerless to perfect yourself and you do not have the ability to do so. That is why I have placed My Holy Spirit inside of you--to change you and to transform you from the inside out. The more you cooperate with Me in this, the more I will make you like Myself, and sin will have less hold over you. So draw near to Me and receive My great love for you. My love is healing; it will restore you and strengthen you. The more you run back to Me with a heart to submit to My will, the more I can work My transformation and My glory in your life. The faster you run back to Me, the faster I can separate you from the guilt and power of sin to destroy you, and I can begin to work My holiness and purity within you.
Dear one, do not believe the lies of the devil designed to separate you from Me. I am love, and I love you greatly. I have forgiven your sin--not because you have made restitution for them, but because My Son has already paid the price for them. You are forgiven because of what He has done for you, and the door has been opened to you to comeinto intimacy and close relationship with Me. So run to Me, dear one, and receive My great love for you. Allow Me to cleanse and purify you, allow Me to break the power of guilt and condemnation off of your life. Allow Me to set you free form the things that hold you back and allowed Me to transform you to be more like Myself, so that My glory will shine brightly through you.
Do not be afraid that I will push you away or condemn you. Run to Me and receive My great love for you.